Will Bob lose weight?

October 28th.
Its actually late Friday night so to me its still the 27th. I simply forgot to weigh myself on the same scales as usual when I was at work on Wednesday and although I did weigh on some different scales there are always minor differences in their accuracy so I cant read much into the fact that the weight was unchanged on the set I used. The feasting of last weekend didn't do too much damage. On the recommendation of the sleeping partner (incidentally, he's gone back to sleep), I foolishly tried the delights of the Skewen Fish Bar which he claimed, as does the owner, that the fish and chips is the best in Wales and possibly the whole of Britain, but I beg to differ. For a plate of fish and chips, Harry Ramsden in Cardiff is the best by a long way, though its more expensive and of course not on my doorstep. I seem to remember the take-away from Harry Ramsdens was very poor and you should eat in the restaurant. Apart from the fish and chips, traditionally greasy with salt and vinegar but wrapped in plain white paper so there were no salacious stories to read from the News of the World of fallen women and Vicars giving private 'classes to female parishioners while I tried to harpoon an elusive chip with a two pronged stick/spatula, I was back to my normal diet of cheese, meat, salami, yogurts, pistachios and icecream. What a long sentence that was.
Do people still use the term 'fallen women'? Do barbers ever ask their customers 'Something for the weekend, sir?' as they brush the hairs off the jacket of a departing customer? My barber has a bit of a stutter so it might sound rather odd from him though usually my hair is cut by one of his female assistants and sometimes he comes along to put the finiching touches to the cut. Actually I think this is a bit insulting to the girls but they may be there more to lure the customers into the shop rather than for their cutting skills. I was mesmerised by the soothing undulating movement of the bosom of the last girl to cut my hair there and was sorry when le patron took over. If he does the whole thing himself , which only takes about three minutes of actual work, his incessant chatter, prolonged by his stutter , lengthens the performance to about twenty minutes. You have to have time on your hands ans stamina to wait your turn in the queue. but I'll have a go in the morning.
I wonder if my barber has ever read 'Haircut' by Ring Lardner? I rarely meet anyone who has ever read his short stories. I suppose he's just too American for most Brits and you have to like , or at least be tolerant of baseball to really enjoy his stories. Not that 'Haircut' is about baseaball; its a monologue from the barber as he cuts the author's hair. Ten pages. Brilliant.
The brief Biography on the cover of the Best Short Stories of Ring Lardner states that he came from Niles, Michigan, which means absolutely nothing to me . It seems to be just something to write to fill in space and is really of no interest or value. I don't know where most writers come from- except their country of course- and don't care unless they're going to write about it. I do know that Bill Bryson came from Des Moines as he started one of his books with the statement 'I come from Des Moines; somebody has to'. I am of course a man of Kent- or am I a Kentish man?

October 24th.
Three days of almost non stop eating and drinking followed by two dayys of working for much longer than usual, have left be feeling stuffed and rather lacking in energy. Its been far too wet to consider any allotment activity and I've only managed to get one game of squash. An exceptionally tasty pasta with seafood-mainly mussels as far as I can remember- washed down with a lot of red wine started the weekend's overeating. Bread was introduced to the house again for the guests so inevitably there was the occasional bacon sandwich for breakfast and roast chicken and roast beef with the usual baked potatoes and on one occasion a rice pudding. There's nothing to beat a home made rice pud made with minimal amounts of rice, modest amounts of sugar, and plenty of cream and a bit of butter.A decent skin all over is the prized part of the pudding; I have friends who fight and scrap over the skin and who gets to scrape the dish.
Commissario De Luca is the detective in Carlo Lucarelli's 'Carte Blanche'. Half way through he has only turned down one meal of spaghetti but he seems to suffer from indigestion and insufficient sleep. He consumes only coffee and alcohol and doesn't seem to eat anything.I don't think he join the select band of gastronomic detectives.
One of my favourite pictures of 'sportsmen'was reproduced in the Guardian today; it is the one of Vinnie Jones giving Gazza a friendly squeeze. I used to have a much bigger print of it which I had pinned up on the wall next to another favourite taken from the front cover of Mad magazine in which Alfred J. Newman with the sticky out ears is doing an ice skating jump over some barrels on the ice whilst another skater is doing the same towards him from the opposite end. He is looking out sayig 'What? Me worry?' Both pictures now sadly lost or thrown out by some over enthusiastic clearer up.
Tomorrow is weigh day. What, me worry?

October 20th. Very wet weather makes allotment activity unlikely and the arrival of family from London and Liverpool will keep me from digging or dieting or blogging for the next few days.As I have suggested in an earlier blog, it probably won't make much difference to the weight loss plans. Its even possible that I have adopted a 'healthy' approach to eating which has put me on the right track towards weight loss anyway.With any luck I'll get a game of squash before the weekend activities begin.
I had wondered if Wednesday's amazing weight loss was just a one off fluke but I checked it again yesterday and found there was a further half kilo loss.I know that there are some readers of the blog who doubt that there has been any weight loss at all and indeed I sometimes wonder myself. Of course,if I am only wanting to lose half a kilo each week, its very difficult to know whether a minor change from week to week is not just due to an extra cup of coffee or two or even to being a bit dehydrated.
This morning I was asked if I'd had a father.He actually meant to ask whether it was my father that had cared for an aquaintance of his a number of years ago in another hospital nearby. I suppose I should be flattered. It seems sometimes that I've been working so long in this area that I have seen everyone at one time or another. Should I take the hint that retirement beckons?
That's enough for one week. I'm off.

October 18th.
H.G .Wells' book was first published in 1899. The hero of this book woke up after a sleep of two hundred years which causes quite a lot of problems in adjusting to the pace of life and a lot of catching up. Woody was most aggrieved that he had been called the sleeping partner and guilt has clearly stung him into action. Two days running he has been at the allotment where someone, possibly Lorenzo himself has planted a mystery plant which might be a thornless blackberry. The crinkly lettuce recipe has not restored my hair.( What was Lorenzo's oil? ) . He is definitely not a man to upset with his Sicilian friends. Actually he has a heart of gold and I rarely see him at the allotment without getting a lot of useful advice and bags full of grapes , tomatoes, cucumbers and lettuce. Everyone with an allotment seem very generous with plants and seeds. Today I was given a lot of dried runner beans from which I have shelled out a couple of pounds of beans to plant next year-- probably enough seed to cover the whole allotment with runners. Digging with Woody gives me a good opportunity to give him some advice on his squash and digging technique- which he is pleased to receive.
Yes, Bob will lose weight. Today was weigh day and I am pleased , and rather surprised to report a 1.6 Kg. loss in the last week. There must be something right in the beer, beef, cheese, yogurt and icecream diet or alternatively the digging and squash are at last beginning to help.
More guests are expected this weekend so there is little chance I will adhere to my strict plans but I'm beginning to wonder if it matters.
Whatever time appears on the published blog. it is actually 23.55 in my time zone.

October16th.
You cannot eat roast beef without roast potatoes so I was unable to keep to the no potato plan yesterday. Roasted salted pistachios are also rather moreish so once Fatboy had opened the packet there was no stopping until they were all gone.The digging always gives one a healthy appetite and weight wise may do more harm than good. At least the Fatboy did some Sunday digging which is more than I can say for my so called allotment partner who has yet to raise a fork in anger but is full of promises about starting a bit of serious digging. I expect the weather to provide a good excuse tomorrow but he did visit the site today to marvel at the progress I am making and to meet my Italian allotment neighbour, Lorenzo, my former barber. He told me that now was the right moment to plant Japanese onions and garlic and gave me a supply of tiny onion bulbs to plant. He also gave me some crinkly lettuce and told me that it can be cooked with some garlic and onion which have been cooked in oil, and they are allowed to cook slowly without adding any water. The result should have been better than a chop but frankly I would have preferred a chop. Perhaps I should have cooked it for longer but I can't recommend the way I did it. His grapes, tomatoes and cucumber were lovely.
The prospects for weight loss this week are slim and later this week I expect more visitors. Iron discipline will be required.
The digging at this stage does not in fact provide great exercise. Its really just fiddly removing all the bits of glass in the soil, the couch grass roots, dandelions, docks etc. I don't even break into a light sweat. I suppose it burns up a few calories and its nice to be out of doors but its not exhausting like squash or running. Soon the clocks will go back and there will be less daylight for gardening so I feel I should get as much done as possible in the next couple of weeks . I had hinted that swimming by moonlight or , less romantically, by floodlight would resume soon but I'm putting it off as long as possible. Who needs to be that fit at my age?

October 14th.
The paragraphs don't come out as I plan for some reason. When I type this, I do try to make the beginning and end of paragraphs quite clear but when published it looks quite different. I'm not quite sure why we have paragraphs anyway. Is it to give us a rest or somehow to make a piece of prose look less bulky or less formidable? The reader can surely see for himself or herself if the subject has changed.
Readers of the Guardian will surely have noticed that this blog has been way ahead of the press in many ways. A few weeks ago it was Padura. Today it is Camilleri, who gets a full page article about him and his creation, Inspector Montalbano. A very poor article too. In spite of what is written, 'Rounding The Mark' is already available from Penguin Books, as is 'The Smell Of The Night' and 'Voice of the Violin'. Note that Penguin have it as'Smell' not 'Scent'. There is a nice picture of Andrea Camilleri though.
There were several other interesting pictures in the Guardian today. There is one of Vladimir Kramnik having become the unifiedworld chess champion. Just behind him is ayoung woman wearing a silly hat - possibly designed to look like a chess piece. On his right stands Kirsan Ilyumzhinov who is both president of Fide and the southern republic Kalmykia (capital city-Elysta). He would not look out of place in the photograph of Kim Jong-il with soldiers of the people's army. Of the Sixteen soldiers whose faces can be seen none are smilng and only three of them have normal looking ears. Is there something about the ears in North Korea or is it some part of the recruitment for the People's army? Kim Jomg-il himself loks fairly normal though it seems strange to pose for the photo in dark specs. He doesn't have much dress style however.
The third amazing picture was of the strange Tara Stout who poses on a park bench in the polka dot miniskirt and matching pants she wore at the Magistrates Court. Red Shoes, red flower in her hair matching red bag. A restraining order was issued. It wasn't recorded whether the judge commented on the clothes. There were nice pictures too of Billie Piper, a blond with brown eyes and of Harold Pinter. Almost the strangest picture was the one of the store room at the Natural History Museum. There are about a dozen heads of giraffes that look surprisingly alive.
This week I have had two sessions digging and three games of squash. Today I have eaten two eggs, three slices of corned beef, two yogurts, salad, a tin of sardines. Last night about five pints. Weight? I don't know.

October 13th.
Barcelona was not the shoeshine capital as I remember it from yesteryear . I saw only one in the Ramblas but I spent less time there than on previous visits. The tapas bars were amazing and I would pick out the Cerviseria Catalan. The trouble is that everyone else has chosen it as well and its very difficult to get in- either early or late. The food was fantastic and I'm even beginning to get a taste for San Miguel.More practise required.
The only literary food encountered was in Simenon, wild duck on one occasion, cassoulet on another and andouillettes on a third. I think I took the wrong books but at least I finished Humboldt's Gift. It required more stamina and concentration than I am usually prepared to give to any book and I wont be in a hurry to read another Bellow. I had thought that perhaps I should give a bit of time to consider the dietary habits of a few female detectives though there aren,t many of them. Paretski's VI was always on some political or feminist crusade and Stephanie Plum is a bit of a lightweight ( I suspect serious restrictions to maintain her figure). Did Miss Marples ever eat or did she just find bodies in the dining room? Who cares? You're absolutely right; stick to male detectives and indeed male writers.
On my return from Spain I spent three days feasting and entertaining. This reinforces my view that it is very difficult to stick to any dietary plan when other people are around. With only one session of heavy digging and one strenuous game of squash before weigh day, I was not surprised to find my weight had risen slightly, by one kilo actually, but I am now back on the salami, chorizo, pate, salads, cheese, yogurt and beer diet. I have been surprised to find myself still at work after six o'clock on three occasions this week and this is seriously interfering with my allotment's progress and even my time for blogging and reading. Rightly or wrongly, I have agreed to extend my contract by another six months from November so I should be able to afford to eat. I'm less sure than some of you about eating in the diner but have any of you been to Chatanooga or was I on the wrong track?
The 'sweetie ' thing? Well in one clinic I was called 'sir' (respect), 'pathetic' ( with regard some directions I had given) and 'sweetie' (not really sure). All of them women. I think its known as developing rapport.
I hope to continue regular blogging as there is no immediate plan to take another holiday - at least for a month.

October 1st.
The date reminds me that it is more or less half way to the end of the year since the start of the blog. Total weight loss so far is about three kilogrammes which in my opinion is quite satisfatory.It does of course amount to a total weight loss rate of nearly two stones per year--something I have no intention of achieving. Tomorrow I shall be on the Carvalho diet with a lot of footwork and possibly swimming and some really intensive sight-seeing. More intensive than in Malaga.
In preparation for my trip I have shined my own shoes which is an immensely satisfying and soothing activity, even though I am , as I recall, heading for one of the shoeshine capitals of the world. If I were going on a long trip- anything over two weeks - I would take my own polish and a brush. I feel sorry for those people who don't know this pleasure and for those who are no longer able to clean their own shoes due to infirmity, old age, loss of shoes or feet or hands. Do the 'Royals' ever get the simple pleasures of caring for themselves?
Cuzco must be the shoeshine centre of the world as far as I have observed for myself. You can hardly walk ten yards there without getting an offer to shine your shoes even if they are already gleaming.I even received an offer there for a shine while my shoes were being shone by someone else!
The problem today is to decide what books to take. I have run out of Padura,Camilleri, Montalban, Leon and Simenon. Dibdin's Aurelio Zen is another of my favourites but it isn't gulp fiction. I had thought that I would restart Anna Karenin but its too thick to fit in the trouser pocket but I suppose I could take it to read in bed. I might re-read a Maigret. There is nothing worse than running out of decent reading material on holiday, so I'd rather take too much than too little so maybe I'll even take Ulysses: I've never had the stamina to finish it. I have an unread Mankell but Kurt Wallander has become too depressed and the plots have become too gruesome as the years have passed.Perhaps I should try and read some Spanish but I think Padura and Montalban would be far too difficult and maybe the latter might have been written in Catalan.
Blogs will probably not appear in the next few days.